Thursday, February 28, 2008

Thurs Feb. 28, 2008

Well so far I'm not so good on the day to day aspect of blogging this whole thing but today I try again to update and give more information about the treatment.

On Tuesday the 26th Clayton and I went and donated my hair to Locks of Love before it started to all fall out. That process hasn't started yet but they expect that it will and said I should lop it off before it started. Then she (Ashley, lovely girl who'd had her own form of cancer before as well) took the electric razor to my hair and I'm now officially Mr. Clean!

Now Tuesday was also the day after the last bag of Chemo Drugs...They call the combination of these drugs EPOCH...the drugs include Cyclophosphamide, Doxorubicin, Etoposide, Prednisone and Vincristine. Taken at different times and in various forms (pill's, IV, etc.) for 5 days. It's funny that they should call it EPOCH...the definition of this word means..."a significant period in history or in somebody's life"....usually they name these things after the combination of letters of the treatment...so who ever came up with this name was either pretty smart or has a strange sense of humor.

Anyway, after that first part of the treatment come the shots...GCSF Shots, these shots Stimulate Normal Bone Marrow for White Blood Cells. The Draw back is the bone pain and the muscle cramps that come from this...After 2 days of these (did I mention I have to give them to myself?) I'm already ready to bag it...the pain can be intense and it comes and goes in waves which literally can make me yell out in pain.

Mentally my attitude goes the gambit. Sometimes I wake up and have all this crap going through my head...usually about Why this is happening, pity me, No I'm not going to let this get to me, etc. Yesterday I just laid in bed...didn't care, didn't want to do anything but watch TV...yet had a small spark of energy and did the dishes...yes, I was in pain for most of the day, but I think part of my problem is that I don't know how to behave. I'm sure it takes time to work through all of this but I don't know...I'm having a hard time to get on a positive course some days. At least for now the crying jags are over.

I know I need to push myself for doing some energy work and stuff to help me get better yet I make excuses not to. Like..."I'm tired or I can't focus"...what I'd like to know is why I do that? I know they can help, yet I get this "Whatever" attitude and continue to make excuses.

So that's it for now...Day 10 since I was diagnosed with Cancer and started receiving treatment.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself until March 3rd. Then you just have to make yourself to something...anything...to keep yourself active in some way. The longer you delay, the harder it becomes to get out of that rut. You have always been very active, this is no time to stop being who you have always been. Plus which, the longer you stay still, the more wobbly your ass will get..and no one wants that!

Jamie said...

Scott,

Thanks for the updates. You are doing great so no pitty parties!!

You have to stay active and keep a positive attitude even when you don't want to. We are all here for you! You have a lot to be thankful for...your babies, your friends and your Clatyon.

BTW, you look sexy bald. :>)

Love ya,
Jamie

tiyta said...

Scott - you know how much I admire your courage to even post what you have. At least you feel that to a certain extent, this may help you get through this ordeal. For us, it is opening a window to just get a small glimpse of what you are going through. Know that we all are pulling for you and pray that the down times are few, but you and/or Clayton can call on us if you think it will help or if you need anything. That's what family is here for. I'll get to the grape leaves this weekend. :) Luv ya!!
Marion

Susan said...

Hi Scott, Thanks for sharing updates and video. As a long-hair, I know the hair thing had to be hard, on top of everything else, and you're awesome to do it so bravely and turn it into an act of love and caring (but then again, that's just the great guy you are :-)

Tho' the treatments are hard on your energy, try to get a little sun on your face each morning, stretch, and take some big fresh air breaths.

You know we're all here and rooting for you -- the kids send their love too, and a special Tibetan kiss from baby Ava to Clayton too! And if you want to take a rest, break, get something to eat or just hang out at our place when you're up here for treatment, don't hesitate.

Love & healing energy from all of us! Susan

Anonymous said...

Hi Scott,

On question....I just saw the you-tube video and how in hell did your hair grow soooo long. It looks unbeweaveable...LOL... Any..how.. Angle and I are planning to come and visit with you as soon as we can get away from our 15 jobs. Stay strong my friend and may GOD continue to keep you strong each and every day.
Love ya and I'll see you soon.
Nicole B. ps/I can't wait to massage your bald head.....LOL

Leta said...

Hang in there, Sweetie.

And it's true - blogging can be very cathartic.

Unknown said...

Hey sexy bald man! I love the new look!
I agree with Kat, you only a few more days to feel sorry for yourself, and then we will have to give you swift kick in the pants! You are stronger than you know, and if you don't feel that way, call us..your friends. We will remind you just how strong you are. We will get through this together. Clayton, the girls, and all your friends and family...we will be here for you.
I love you,
Kristen

Anonymous said...

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way.
(2 Thess. 5:16)

Love you, Scott!! I don't think anyone would know exactly how to behave, so you're not alone there. Activity is probably a good place to start...even doing the dishes, so "hooray!" for that. Keep at it; you're a rock.

Love,
Susanna

p.s. Coincidentally, I just last week donated MY hair to Locks of Love; I do not, however, have your same haircut. The Mr. Clean look totally works for you! Although...perhaps it’s a sign of the preponderance of pop culture, but I’d have said Howie Mandel. All you need now is a bevy of beauties following you around with suitcases full of money :)

Anonymous said...

Bald is beautiful! You are gorgeous, courageous, and wonderful. I was always proud to call you my friend but I don't think I was ever more proud of you than I am now. You are right, Clayton is also wonderful and the two of you have blessed each of us as well. Love you lots - Lori

Anonymous said...

I am really not anonymous I just don't know how to do this blogging thing! Where is Leta when I need her? Lori

Sharon Lynn said...

Scott,

You definitely are a rock even if you don't feel like one. My prayers are with you!

I'm thankful that you are choosing to blog your experience as it helps us know how best to pray besides being a cathartic experience for you.

You know that I can identify with writing being an outlet...I'm here anytime you want to write. I'll look forward to checking back on here to see how you are doing.

I forwarded your email with this blog site info on it to Kelli as I KNOW she will be praying and there for you in any way you need us.

Denise said...

Hey, baby, I think you look totally HOT with the bald head. Now, I've never let myself get a crush on the unavailable, but that could change. I know it's hard to keep your spirits up but you have lots of love and support coming your way. So be patient and cut yourself some slack on the weepy days. Remember, too, that it's winter and artistic folks need lots of sunshine to be happy so you need to get out there whenever you can and soak up the love. Hugs, Denise

Unknown said...

I don't think there's any "right" way for you to feel about this. Feel what you feel and don't worry about it - that's the beauty of feelings, they're organic and you have to just let them happen. You are amazing and wonderful and there's no way to know "why" but you will be a stronger person for it. I hope I can get better myself and come see you soon. I love you. - SJ

Unknown said...

Reading all these great comments, the best I can do right now is say "Me too." Elizabeth and I are rooting for you and ready to help. We're already planning the menu for your next dinner -- and hoping you'll feel up to dinner at our house soon. Whatever you guys need, just ask. If it doesn't involve moving furniture or heavy boxes, I'll be there. -- John

Unknown said...

You know, Scott, that bald look is pretty good for you. Seriously.

Anonymous said...

Scott,

I think you're amazingly brave. You've shown all of us how to handle adversity with grace and a sense of humor.

I'm so glad you've been able to chronicle your experience on this blog. You're an inspiration and currently No.1 on my superhero list!