Wed, March 5, 2008 -- Stream of Consciousness Entry

Stream of Consciousness --Definition from Wikipedia-- "In literary criticism, stream of consciousness is a literary technique that seeks to portray an individual's point of view by giving the written equivalent of the character's thought processes, either in a loose interior monologue, or in connection to his or her sensory reactions to external occurrences. Stream-of-consciousness writing is strongly associated with the modernist movement. The introduction of the term to describe literature, transferred from psychology, is attributed to May Sinclair."


That's what today's entry is....


Pain is at the fore front of my issues the G-shots are a pain in the ass literally most of the pain in the back of my hips or in my chest (then arms, fingers, chin, etc)...yet when I went to the Dr. yesterday they said that I was doing well...they finally staged my particular form of Cancer it's Stage 1e this means that it hasn't spread to anywhere else as far as they can tell. However, I still have to have at least 3 more treatments so we are looking at another 10 weeks of this pain and tired...aww Sh** ,oh well...they tried to be real nice about it...they are very nice up there.

My 2 Dr's. Leonkis and O'Mahoney are the most nicest Doctors I have every met in my life...they have been incredibly sweet the whole time and really put up with my F***ed up panic attacks and whining when I call them and go "What about this?" and "What about that?" and some times the bright light big sound takes hold of my ADD and I have to call them back and go '''...What did you say about this or that?" What a baby!!!

I don't know how Clayton puts up with me sometimes. Do you know he works very hard to take care of me and I just hope he realizes how much it means to me...I don't know what I can do to ever give back to him like he does for me. I try to do little things like folding socks while I'm laying in bed (Whoo Hooo) or the dishes if I'm up to it...like the cleaning up of the water in the basement this morning!

Let's chat about that! I'm so damn tired of this house and it's problems...the basement flooded a little bit this morning AGAIN!!!! I just sort of stood there with the hose on the floor sucking up water and Clayton Caught me...told me I should be wearing my mask down there because of mold and that I should be resting and to go upstairs right now...He was right, but I feel so damn helpless sometimes...anyway because the computer is downstairs I promised that I would wear a mask down here today while I'm on the computer because of potential mold issues. He's very sweet to be like this I just feel like a major burden sometimes...

OK Scott let's change the line of thinking (this is how I talk to my self) Let's find the positive side of this comedy/tragedy farce! So the good news (above) about the fact that the disease hasn't spread is a great thing...How Lucky/Blessed am I? I've got to say that now this cuts down, hopefully, the amount of treatment time. This is the schedule now...have another chemo run and then do another CT scan of the area...see if the tumor has shrunk to a lot smaller, which I can tell you it has because my ribs aren't sore anymore and then 2 more rounds of chemo and then another CT scan....then they will make the decision as to whether or not I need to have any more treatment.


A friend of mine came over the other day and did some fantastic Energy work...it helped a lot and I can't tell you how much that this kind of of help and support means to me! I've got to be the most blessed guy around with all of this love...I know I keep saying it in every entry into this blog but so what! My Blog My Entries!! For many years I've held to the fact that this world was going to hell in a hand basket and that there was a hole in the bottom...but you know what? It's going to be people like all the people that I've surrounded my self with, that are going to save us....there is no way that pain, bad energy or anything else could beat all the love that is out there in the world.


OK so I'm all sorts of drugged up had to take Percoset the first thing this morning...and now I'm going to fix something to eat and go back to bed. Clayton was out doing some house cleaning for someone and is going to be back soon. I also talked to my boss today and checked in to let her know I got all my disability papers in so I keep some money coming in at least. So I think that for now that's all...I have another visit to the Dr on Friday for Blood work and will have more to report then.


Out for now!

S